Will I ever stop eating, breastfeeding and explain myself to the world?

Amma (mostly) and I created a very magical thokku tonight.

The Easiest Pork Thokku

  • Servings: 4
  • Time: 30 mins
  • Print

Cook the following in a pressure cooker:

  • 1/2 kg pork
  • 3 tomatoes
  • 2 dried kashmiri chillies
  • A bit of kokkum puli
  • 1 spoon turmeric
  • 1 spoon sugar

Pick out the blanched tomatoes, skin them and drop it back in to the curry. Pick out the kokkum puli and throw it in your garden.

Mix the following ingredients in to the curry:

  • 1 spoon red chilli powder
  • 2 spoons dhaniya powder
  • 1 spoon garam masala
  • 1 spoon salt

Let the pressure cooker go for another five to six whistles. Drain the lard (don’t forget to store it for future meals) and serve with hot rice.

IMG_20160315_020842

On March 13, 2016 thanks to Firstpost my previous blog article announcing my decision to have a baby out-of-wedlock reached a larger audience (click to read). I hope you have as much fun as my family and me when you read the comments. It has been a constant source  of entertainment during an otherwise mournful weekend.

Yazhini has received a lot of love and concern of all kinds from all corners of the Web. Thanks to everyone who has read and taken some time to talk about how my life choice affects you. Especially, thanks to those who demand an explanation from this armchair feminist (is that what you called me, or was it choothiyaa?). There are no arms on any of the chairs here, as far as I can see. Mostly, I write once Yazhini has fed very well and decides to sleep for the night. Writing is a sensual act (read, masturbation). It must be done on a comfortable bed.

So, will I ever stop eating, breastfeeding and explain myself to the world? Do I choose not to get married only to sound cool? Did I write that just to show off to the rest of the world? How can I be so selfish? How can I not care about what my family or child will go through because of my selfish choices? Am I not being anti-national (these days, many of us expect to be asked this whatever we say)? Are you fine with so many anonymous people reacting to this? How will you send your child to a good school? Isn’t it too early to do such things in an Indian context? Did you read some of those epic comments? You are not reading the comments, are you?

Today – as a nation or whatever – has been added to that endless list of unhappy days where one witnesses violence unleashed in broad daylight on anything that challenges the patriarchal definition of ‘legitimate procreative desire’ (Menon 2012). In this light, the choice made from my all liberal, leftist, middle-class background comes with its own dangers. And so, I must first attempt an answer to one simple question posed by a supportive friend: Why did you have to announce this at all?

We just had to J! While you mean well and ask this from a space of genuine curiousity, in effect, it could mean why couldn’t we have stayed silent and allowed others the peace of assumption. It is true that we announced it because we were simply tired of correcting each assumption one by one. We also want to avoid being put in a situation where silence is demanded from us.

The fact that it has reached more people means that our choices already resonate with others and not ‘everyone’ is scared of this virilocal family breaking down. What immense relief that gives us! This could not have happened if we had stayed silent. Moreover, it is definitely an armchair act to not talk about such a choice today.

Of course, you have also been reading the comments and we both know many more assumptions are being made now. I, definitely, don’t need to personally answer to most of them. Especially, absurd ones like:

“Balochistan mange AZADI, AZADI, AZADI from failed state PAKISTAN”/
“You enjoy all liberalism you want but ensure homogenous society and do not allow migration, otherwise the aggressive immigrants (muslims) will swamp you in couple of generations and your phuking liberalism will end the moment you end up in minority.”

Phew! These just take this dialogue in to strange territories.

I am now spewing porky yawns and will soon be back with replies to the sensible questions and objections. Until then, cook some cheese mutton and enjoy!

 

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4 thoughts on “Will I ever stop eating, breastfeeding and explain myself to the world?

  1. Well said Sam! “Peace of assumptions” and “demanded silence” are just gradual suffocation and unfortunately the most prevalent rather forced responses to most so-called uncomfortable situations (for others for whatever reason). Your posts have been an immense relief to me! I disregard the -ve comments … The support is telling of the fact… One can indeed live life on one’s terms. More power to you girl.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wanted to respond but I didn’t find time initially and then it slipped my mind. Yep, that happens. People forget.
    In a world where our life choices matter to only those directly involved, where everyone else can’t offer any more than a passing comment, there’s no point explaining to those beyond our immediate circle! That was the crux of my why. But as for the reasons of not giving in when silence is demanded, and people identifying with you as we watch the breakdown of the virilocal family, sure, sound good enough.
    Though I don’t share your views about life choices, you have the inherent freedom to do what you want, just like the rest of us. And I would always appreciate you both, of your courage to make bold choices and live by them.

    Borrowing Spock’s customary farewell, along with the palm gesture “live long and prosper.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi J!

      Thank you so much for responding. I was really looking forward to this. Let me breakdown the reply.

      “In a world where our life choices matter to only those directly involved, where everyone else can’t offer any more than a passing comment, there’s no point explaining to those beyond our immediate circle!”

      Life choices don’t matter only to the immediate circles, though it might immediately only matter to them. It, then, matters in all degrees of socialisation and ultimately in the larger picture of societies itself. It also seemed important to break the glass that only a man, woman and their children could make a stable family, easily excluding those men who love men or women who love women or trans-families, even single fathers, etc.

      “Though I don’t share your views about life choices, you have the inherent freedom to do what you want, just like the rest of us.”

      Of course, I do not expect you or anyone to agree with my life choice. My life choice is simply mine and the article is a call to all others who have made theirs or are struggling to make theirs. I did say marrying is a choice. I didn’t say one mustn’t marry.

      [https://cheesemutton.wordpress.com/2016/03/16/celebrating-brave-women-and-alternative-relationships/] This is written by my friend who is married.

      From the enemy merchandise, ‘May the force be with you’. 😀

      Regards,
      Sam.

      Like

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